。 失常 。

三月二十四号，星期三。。晴

在星期三的来临前， 我期待。。我等待。。。 因为这是我的爱的day off， 他会到我工作的地方接我下班，已经有一段时间他没来接我下班了，这一切就在他换了新工作后。。。
我期待的星期三到了， 还以为可以和他好好的度过二人世界， 怎么知道突然有改变， 二人世界变了四人世界。。 。我心想算了吧。。。他也有好久没和他的好朋友一起hang out 了，我就把二人世界的事忘记算了， 我以后也不敢在期待些甚么了。。。 整晚我就在那假装投入， 开心。。。我的心情就这样失常的。。。
回家后，和他通电话。。他说我很失常， 我告诉他我的想法。。 然后他说我有公主病。。我是一个喜欢孤独的人。。。 我也不懂我怎么了。。
或许我真的变了。。。 变的更爱孤独了。。 我听了他那样说我偷偷的流泪了。。。
感觉我就渐渐的变得像他的前度女友一样。。。

。怪人 。

自去年开始， 我发觉有个男仔成日望住我。 开始还以为系自己想太多， 点知当每次我经过他工作的珠宝店时， 他就会望着我。 有一次， 我放工返屋企时，刚好他放工，开始我没有留意他在我后面跟着。 我还以为他是刚巧同我行同一个方向， 点知走下走下发觉他一直在跟住我， 但是， 我心想他只不过是刚巧和我住同一区。 不过我在回家前我要到书店买杂志， 当我过马路的时候， 他就走没跟着我了。 我也没想太多， 也没把这件事放在心上。 过不久， 我和我的侄儿谈到这个陌生人， 我侄儿告诉我那男生和他住同一座楼。。 这时候我才发觉那一天那男的真的在跟着我。。。 因为他住的地方是在我家隔一条街， 他跟着我的那一天他已经过他家的门口， 但他没有进去 。。。 事后， 我开始提防了。。。 不过到现在， 当我一经过男珠宝店， 他就会一直望着我， 有时还会趁机走近我。 。。。 >.< 。。。

。。。我的半人间 。。。

每个人都有自己的个人空间， 而我把属于我的空间改名为--半人间。。。 因为我曾看过一套香港电影， 主角说了一句话： “ 人间太苦；成仙太难， 不如活在半人间” 。。。 我喜欢这句话， 喜欢话中的意思。。。

我的半人间， 没有是非， 没有烦恼， 没有难过， 没有痛苦， 没有眼泪。。。 有些时候， 现实的世界真的复杂得让我们透不过气。。。 我享受在半人间的时刻。。 没烦恼的。。。 多好：）
其实这一切都是想让自己透透气。。。

... Jan 24, 2010 ...

Tonight I finish half bottle of Merlot ( Red Wine ) ... this afternoon I thought I can hear ur voice to let u know I miss u .... but u said something makes me felt down ... I admit .. maybe it's I think too much it's my fault ... U told me I think too much ... I think too much just because I really love u ...
U blame me ... make problem to u ... U told me ur mom said soemthing makes u feel down ... But u nvr tell me tat ... u nvr shared tat wif me ...
U blame me I put many thing in Facebook status ... sound like u did something wrong to me... WHy ... I hav no freedom to put wat I think to facebook ...!! Why .... U told me to leave u alone ... I give u time ... to be alone ... until u feel wan2 talk to me..... !! is it enough... !!!!
U blame me this and tat.... I'm ur girlfriend ... of coz I'll think like tat ....
If u're not important for me .. I wont think too much things... ... I giv u time to Calm down .... I really dunno wat to do ...............ah..ar.... ar ...

... silent ... Jan 23, 2010

From Dec 3rd till now ... I feel tat's something changing , last time he call me on everyday , either a day once time or twice. He had been told me he miss my voice when one day i didnt call he or he didnt call me. But now he call me less, we start talk less. Now we use to msg each other to keep contact, sometime when he msg me said he going to sleep, then I'll call he .. no matter just hav few words to say, but I still wan2 call he. Cause we already can't meet each other in this 2 months, I thought we can hear each other on the phone. After he start wok for his fren, we will meet each other less. Now I feel like he just a stranger for me. Maybe he though we hav not much topic to talk bout, so he call me less. But when I feel bored, when I hav nothing to do I hope he can accompany on the phone. But he told me he wan2 watch dvd, if I hav anything just giv he a call. I feel like he use to stay at home, why he can't watch it at other time. Everytime when I hear my msg albert I thought is he, when I hear my cell phone ringing I thought is he... But tat's not..!!
I feel like everything bck to the begining, now he make me feel strange, I don't know wat will happen when I see he afterI bck to NY. I know I'll be quiet n' quiet ...

... Jan 13, 2010... Sleepless...

Now 4:46am, everybody in deep sleep .... but I was sleepless... I tried to listen music till I fall 2 sleep .. but Failed . Maybe I hav too much worries ... coz i sleepless.
Yesterday my dad said my mom will stay in m'sia until CNY, so I gotta go bck to NY alone. My mom told me to ask my bf go 2 airport to fetch me. So I call my bf from NY, I told he my mom will stay in M'sia until CNY, and I'll bck to NY 1st. I told he my mom want he to fetch me from the airport. My bf told me, he dunno when he will get day off , coz he will work in new restaurant soon. Then he just ask me take car service go bck home. I really felt disappointed of his answer. I understand his problem, he work in new restaurant , so will a bit hard to get extra day off. But what I expect is he say he will try his best to ask his boss to get 1day off / change his day off on tat day . He didnt ... he just ask me to take car service. I really felt damn damn damn disappointed .... I cried cried cried ... just 1 and half months nvr meet each other... I feel like I'm not tat important for he ... ...

... Dec 25, 2009 ...

還以為呢次番來會係ge開心的。。。點知會係吾開心ge。。。 ﹗﹗番到來每天幫手大佬take Care 佢兩個BB。。。 有時看見佢同佢ge老婆冷戰﹐見到佢地甘都吾會開心。 搞到沒mood再留系都甘耐﹐真係好想快D番紐約﹐吾想留系度甘耐。。。!! 有時﹐我同mommy寧願去shopping mall 都"hea"﹐都吾想成日留系屋企度甘悶。。。 唸唸下真係好想番紐約。。。!!